Ack.. Lack of Ambition

Is one of my biggest faults. I've been having problems getting myself to write my thesis proposal, and so I don't seem to be getting far on my thesis work. Which messes me up because I feel very guilty about it. I should be planning a trip, but.. I'm not doing anything. I'm sleeping a lot and very headachey.

Well, starting the move. Lorilee is a nice woman, and since she's already partially in her new place, we get to start moving in on the 29th. Which gives us a day get stuff out and shampoo the carpets. And we don't have to think about where the cats go for the night of the 31st. Also, we took over a storage unit (expensive but huge), so we've already started getting stuff out (all my books are packed and gone, and the bookshelves go soon). All Jorge has left in the house is computer, and that goes as soon as he gets internet at Blair's. And then I get his computer chair (it's a schol hall chair, and it literally rocks).

Spinning and knitting a lot. Sewed a bit, and then my machine acted up. Got it fixed, but had packed up all my fabric. So spinning while watching Doctor Who or Midori Days (from netflix).

Thoughts on Writing

Somehow in the last few years I've gotten afraid of writing. It has gotten worse this summer, partially because I'm not worried enough about the consequences (lack of grade). Again, I'm caught in the trap of being so afraid of something small I don't do it, and become more afraid. Or is it guilt.

I don't want to give up yet. I've accepted that I might take more than two years to finish this degree, and started to make half hearted crazy plans, like biking to the Pacific Coast along the Lewis and Clark trail. It works, because our lease is for a year, then open ended. I wouldn't wan to start biking in the summer, so I might as well wait to the next spring. I don't know if I'll still want to do it in a year and a half, but for now it is where my mind wanders when I don't want to think about my current issues. Kind of like touring the world was when I was on the ship. That plan turned into my three month backpacking trip. Except lawnchair is interested, or at least willing to humor me enough to discuss alternate routes (over the Rockies into the Snake River Plain and following the rivers to the ocean is a bit flatter overall than L&C routing, but need to investigate more maps first).

But today's topic is writing because I haven't been. I have this crazy plan that if I make myself blather on LJ I'll be willing to write a proposal. Or at least able to.

I find it interesting that I'm so reluctant to write at a time when most of my LJ list is writers (published and fanfiction). I'm starting to think about style a lot more than I used to. I haven't had to much because I entered college able to write well enough to get A's, and as a science major did not need to get any better. Now I have to because more is expected of me. My shorter work is fine if I tweak it, but I'm in to much of a hurry for longer stuff. I just want it over with, and do not revise enough.

Part of it is that I'm ashamed of my voice. Well, both of them. I can not stand to listen to my voice recorded, and refuse to record answering machine greetings. Which is odd, because I like my mother's, but cannot tell them apart unless I know who spoke. Singing is worse, for I cannot carry a tune.

As for my writing voice, it seems to casual. I love lots of clauses, and have a comma addiction (let us not get into my paranthesis issues). Puctuation is instinctual to me. If I work at it I can remember the rules, but I prefer to just get it all down. At least I am good about using active voice in my scientific writing (or so I was told by a classmate in Volcanology).

Well, at least we know I'm not going to play at the favorite pastime of heavy readers, writing fiction. After years of complaining about have no plot ideas, I have one. I've been nuturing it for five years now and started to write it at least three times. It should be my favorite pretty writing length, a novella.

More musings later. I want to chat about pretty writing vs. fun reading soon. Meanwhile, I shall delve back into my current comfort read, "Price of the Stars". Starship pirates, crossdressing to hide from your family's enemies, revenge and mages. All my favorites at a pace that doesn't let me stop, especially because I know there's a good part coming up.

Oh, and kitten is doing well. She's in a tub in the shed, we visit her several times a day. She has helped us tame her mother, who now loves to be petted. Lawnchair is working on weaning, by feeding her gooshy food in canned milk in the evening. She laps for about a minute, then Maggie finishes it. We aren't sure on a name yet, and usually refer to her as the MicroCat. Possible names include Cerebral (she shakes a lot, sometimes I get worried), Clementine (Oh my darlin'... and she's orange), or Cockleburr (kitten claws can cling like nothing else). My current favorite is Clementine the Cockleburr, and shortened to CC(like cubic centimeters or the first cloned cat CopyCat).